Most people in life are sold on the “forever after” dream. They want to find that special someone who is perfect and want to live the ‘true love’ magic propagated in movies. And some lucky ones really do. But for others, it is best to end a relationship that is not working which is good for both you and your partner.
But sometimes, saying goodbye – and doing it right – can be the hardest thing you’ll have to do. Here are some tips that can help both you and your spouse find a way to pick up the pieces and move on;
Give A Lot Of Thought To What You’ll Say:
If things happen as a result of an angry outburst, it is likely you’ll throw years of unhappy history in your partner’s face along with sarcastic taunts and hurtful comments. Take some time out to think through the exact words you’ll say. Play it out in your head or write down the points. It is important you sleep over it and reflect on it the next day to see if you still feel strongly about it. You’ll need to frame each of your points into words that don’t sound critical of your partner’s behaviour but reach out with genuineness on why things aren’t working out and how your expectations differ from each other.
Give A Thought To When You’ll Say It:
This is probably more important that point 1, and more difficult per say because bringing up the topic of such a discussion is often one of the most unsettling parts. Don’t bring up the topic just when your partner is about to step out to work or getting in the car to run an errand. The conversation will, no doubt, raise their anxiety level, diminishing their ability to perform any task outside. This can be a tad dangerous if your partner is about to drive themselves.
Don’t end the relationship over a phone call either. If this relationship has meant something special to you over time, a phone call becomes a cold and impersonal way to end it. They will not be able to see your face and expressions of genuine concern for their well being and instead only hear impassionate words. Needless to say don’t leave a “That’s it, I’m breaking up with you” message on their voice mail either.
And most important, don’t do it in a public space. You may just about get to see that side of your spouse you’ve never seen before. You’ll not be the first person to wash your dirty Lenin in public but people are bound to remember such incidents even after many years.
Arrange For A Close Friend To Cushion The Blow:
This is not everyone’s cup of tea as the friend you choose will have to be very good in saying things in a way that your spouse actually feels that everything happening is in their best interest. A lot of times, people turn to their best friend for advice and what this person says becomes a big decisive factor.
Having this good friend highlight the relationship’s shortcomings without being overbearing or pushing a decision is the key. They’ll also have to be very careful as to not reveal that you have mentioned anything to them. That’ll make your partner lose their trust in you and they’ll be hurt that you intervened with someone else rather than coming to them directly. Attempt this only if you are sure you have a trustworthy diplomat for a friend.
Give Your Spouse Time And Space To React:
Ending relationships can get very hurtful if you leave your spouse hanging – if you don’t discuss the ‘Why’ or if they don’t get an answer on ‘Why me’. Don’t go with the clichéd ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ line. Instead, discuss out the shortcomings and give them enough time and space to think through and react to the development.
Ending a relationship, especially if it has lasted a few years can test your mettle as a person. Plan the process so that you emerge out of it stronger and wiser.